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Around the first of the year, I wrote a blog about my new year’s resolutions. And most of us forget that made any resolutions until the next year rolls around. Believe me, that’s usually me. But tonight, somehow or another, I reminded myself of mine.

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One of resolutions was to live life like people can change.

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This is something that I honestly want to believe, but there is a problem. It’s not that I don’t believe a drug addict can become sober, because I know recovering addicts who are now awesome examples. It’s not that I don’t believe a sinner can become a saint. Because, i do. I have trouble believing that I can change. Because, I know myself too well. This trouble is not in my head, but it is in my heart.

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In my self hatred, I don’t feel like I can change. In my self pity, I don’t feel like I am worthy of change. I feel like Peter in the Gospel of John, who after spending three years with Jesus. I mean Peter saw miracles. He saw courage when Jesus challenged the corrupt leadership. He saw love when Jesus cared for needy children, and mercy when he touched the lepers. Yet, Peter was continually botching it up, and when Jesus was being falsely accused. Peter was scared and disowned his friend. If anything would show that Peter hadn’t changed; it would be this. He betrayed Jesus.

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If I was Peter; I would be like, “Man, I really messed up. This is so me. Why do I do this? I’m never going to change.”

YET JESUS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

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I don’t know your story, but I can tell you this. There are so many times that I feel like I betrayed Jesus. Yet, Peter did change. Jesus asked Peter three times, “do you love me?” Peter replied, “you know that I do.” Jesus, just asked him to take care of his sheep, which means, love and care for other Christians. You see, Jesus saw PETER’S HEART. Peter’s heart was different. He was a mess on the outside. And, he may have had lingering feelings on guilt. He may have had lingering worries about persecution from the authorities. Yet, Jesus’ words “follow me” resonated deep within the chambers of his heart, and Peter followed Jesus.

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I, honestly, feel like Peter. Four years of college, and I feel like I still have the same struggles that I had freshman year. But, Jesus says that I am different. I can change, because he says I can change. It doesn’t matter how I feel, because he is beckoning me to follow him. I don’t know where he will lead me, but I have somewhere he needs me -the flawed, messy, and contradictory me. He wants all that. I don’t know if you feel stuck in life, but He is beckoning you too.